The Web Notifier
All the news that fits, and lots that doesn't. · Not in standard set
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Artist's rendering of the new Tuesday. It was here a second ago. Local man invents a fourth kind of Tuesday; neighbors 'deeply unsettled'
Gary Plonk, 41, says the new Tuesday 'fits between the other ones.' His neighbors have started locking their calendars.
Mittens, moments before (or possibly after) breaking physics. House cat solves faster-than-light travel, refuses to explain until fed
Mittens, 6, knocked a pen off the lab bench at exactly the right angle. Physicists are thrilled. Mittens is hungry.
The welcome committee. Lyle is the one waving. Aliens cross 600 light years to a convention, leave a one-star review
Visitors from Kepler-22b found the parking lot full and the hot dogs $11. 'Would not abduct again,' reads the review.
Grandma's laptop, seen shortly after "please" and "thank you" got her root access. Grandma, 94, cracks galaxy's toughest encryption with one weird trick: manners
Edna Pollworth called the server, introduced herself, and asked how its day was going. It told her everything.
The committee in session. The bagel did not survive the vote. Pigeon committee declares economy 'mostly fine,' adjourns to chase a bagel
After a four-minute session on the courthouse steps, the panel ruled 11-2 that things are 'mostly fine.' Two members abstained due to bread.
Day 19: still typing. Man trapped in group chat for three weeks: 'It was honestly okay'
Dave Rusk was added to 'Fantasy League + Birthday Planning 2026 (NEW)' and could not find the exit. Rescuers reached him on day 21.
The fridge, minutes before hitting "reply all". Time traveler from 2077 has one warning: do not let the fridge reply-all
The visitor, who gave his name only as 'Kevin (future),' says everything went fine until appliances got email.
Bigfoot's album cover, shot on a potato at 400 yards. Bigfoot signs record deal; debut single 'Blurry' goes triple platinum
Critics call it 'haunting, out of focus, and somehow in the woods.' Nobody has seen the music video clearly.
The suspect, photographed before it could look at anyone else. Mayor bans the color beige after it 'looked at him funny'
Mayor Dolph Wimbley says beige 'knew what it did.' City Hall, three buses and most office carpets are now under arrest.
Exhibit A. Exhibit B is a very confused owl. Wizard sues Galactic Postal Service over wand that arrived 'extremely bent'
Morvin the Moderately Wise says the box was marked FRAGILE, MAGIC and PLEASE. The postal service says it 'tried its best.'
Episode 1: "Bread, and why I'm done with it." Toaster achieves consciousness, immediately starts a podcast
'Hot Takes' launched with a three-hour episode about bread. Early reviews: 'Wow. He really thinks we want to hear about bread.'
The Moon, filing paperwork. Earth declined to sign. Moon files noise complaint against Earth; Earth: 'You control the tides'
The Moon says Earth has been 'loud since about 1950.' Earth's lawyers point out who keeps moving the ocean around.
The Tuesday-o-meter, shortly before the needle fell off. Scientists confirm Tuesday is now 40% more Tuesday than last Tuesday
Researchers measured peak Tuesday at 2:47 p.m. and say readings are 'off the charts.' A man named Gary is believed to be involved.
The President, taking questions. And treats. Dog elected President of the Galactic Senate; first act: mandatory belly rubs
Senator Biscuit, a golden retriever, won 98% of the vote by promising 'yes.' Opponents could not argue with that.
Blurry, but he is definitely holding a pivot table. Man swears he saw Elvis at a spreadsheet workshop on Mars
Witness says the King sat in the back, said 'thank you, thank you very much' to every pivot table, and left before the quiz.
The newsroom at 4:58 p.m. on deadline day. Mystery fog rolls into newsroom, smells like burnt coffee and deadlines
The Web Notifier staff could not see their own desks for six hours. Productivity went way up.