Aliens cross 600 light years to a convention, leave a one-star review

Visitors from Kepler-22b found the parking lot full and the hot dogs $11. 'Would not abduct again,' reads the review.

By Ron Pecks, Arrivals Desk

The welcome committee. Lyle is the one waving.

The ship touched down at 3:12 a.m. in a cornfield outside Dayton. Three tall, glowing beings stepped out, walked up to farmer Lyle Benson, and said: "Take us to your convention center."

Benson, who had been up anyway, pointed them toward Columbus. The beings then spent nine hours in a single roundabout.

Once inside, they were charged $45 for parking, issued lanyards that said "HELLO MY NAME IS" with nothing written underneath, and placed in a panel titled "Is Anyone Out There? (Q&A)." Nobody asked them a question.

Their review, posted to the galactic travel site StarYelp before takeoff, reads in full: "One star. Gravity heavy. Hot dogs $11. Wi-fi password was a lie. Man named Lyle was nice. Would not abduct again."

Kepler-22b's Ministry of Tourism has since downgraded Earth from "intriguing" to "fine, I guess."

Lyle was offered a job as their official Earth guide. He declined, citing corn.